My favorite dessert: afternoon delight

One of the things from college that I miss the most is the fact that it was a sexual smorgasbord. Thousands of young, hormone-ridden men at their sexual peak, ready to greet you with open beer and bedroom doors. But the best part is that you were free to frolic and fuck whenever and wherever you so pleased. My personal favorite was in the middle of the day. When I worked at a bookstore I would go to my boyfriend’s house during my lunch break and get a quickie in. Or if I was in class and craving a good romp I would text my latest bump buddy and arrange a rendezvous. Not only was it fun and sexually satisfying, it was also a great way to de-stress and clear your mind. Some of the best studying I ever did was after a vaginal workout.

So now that I’ve survived college, how will I survive the deprivation of sexual freedom? How can I get my daily fuck fix?

Currently, I come home from work and paddle the pink canoe (such is the life when in a long-distance relationship); it’s not ideal, but it gets me off. What I would love to do is take those lunch hours and turn them into brief, steamy, moments of thrusting passion. I’d love knowing that I wore my lacy black thong to work so that someone actually got to see it. My thighs would quiver subtly throughout the afternoon and I’d have that just-got-railed glow and had-my-tresses-used-as-reins hair. This vision is incredibly sexy to me: a strong, smart woman takes a lunch break to get on her hands and knees for a ride to brown town. Maybe this occurs in a hotel room or a co-worker’s office…or a park…or a Chipotle bathroom. For those days that you wish you could beat your boss over the head with a baseball bat or punch that girl in the next cube over who laughs like a hyena, it might be a good idea to have a number or two…or five…that you can call up for a cockmeat sandwich. Who better to whip you back into a good mood than someone’s little general? Doing the deed in broad daylight makes it that much more exhilarating; it’ll be impossible to not have a smile on your face afterwards. If you live close to work, even better; have someone over and break in that kitchen table. If you’re like me, you don’t use it to eat on anyway…may as well get eaten out on it. Seriously: the best cure for a bad day, overzealous sex drive, hangover, revenge on your ex-boyfriend, revenge on your roommate, or the lust you’ve had for the mailman, is the same for any diet, from carnivore to vegan…a little afternoon delight.