An "Oh Shit" Moment

So this is probably one of my favorite stories. It was passed on to me by my boyfriend, and I am now passing it on to you. Enjoy.

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So there's this girl...let's call her Karen. Karen has a major crush on this guy...let's call him Bill. So they're hanging out one night, flirting, drinking...it's inevitable they're going to hook up, and Karen is thrilled. So they go back to his place. Bill tells her that he has to get up early but that she is welcome to sleep in and stay as long as she pleases, and the door will lock itself behind her when she leaves.

So they do the nasty (I wish I had more details on this, but it's not really a part of the punchline anyway). When Karen wakes up the next morning, sure enough, Bill has already left. She lies in bed for awhile, happily remembering the night before. She then realizes she needs to use the restroom; only, she really has to take a shit.

So Bill's gone, she's alone. Karen figures it's fine, he'll never know she took a dump at his place. She goes into the bathroom and drops the kids off at the pool. When she goes to flush it, however, the toilet doesn't flush. Panicked, she realizes that Bill will know she shat in his apartment.

Karen decides that she'll scoop the poo out of the toilet and dispose of it; that way, he'll never know. So she scoops it into a bag, and then decides to write him a note before she leaves. She lets him know she had a great time last night and that she also noticed his toilet is broken. Satisfied, she walks out the door to head home. Just as the door shuts and locks, she realizes she left the bag of shit on the counter. Right next to the note telling him his toilet is broken.

Needless to say, Bill never called Karen again.

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So ladies, when you go to a guy's house for a midnight fuckathon, make sure you don't leave your shit (or anything that could render your phone speechless for the next few weeks) behind when you leave. When you leave the house the night before, make sure you have with you only what you'd want a complete stranger to find. If you're going to play all coy, at least make sure the panties that you "forget" don't have skidmarks. And for God's sake, know how to macgyver a fucking toilet; that's right up there with knowing how to use a screwdriver and deepthroat a sausage. 

If you think you'll end up playing a game of musical cocks or pin the tail up the butthole, there are a few items that might come in handy. For the late-evening festivities, a useful sex kit might involve some of the following: mouthwash, condoms, edible body spray, hand sanitizer, a mini vibrator, and a hairtie. Throw in a pair of furry cuffs or wear your leather pants if you feel like getting a little kinkier. And always wear heels, it gives you a few more options when it comes to sex positions. Have fun, and hopefully your "oh shit" moment will be one of pleasure, not poo.